December 14th, 2013

This Friday the 13th, Lincoln was, yet again visited by the mysterious man in a Hockey mask, this time wearing a Holiday hat in celebratory spirit. Lincoln now has recieved a large bag of $10,000 bills, which will be counted on Saturday, in addition to one of the biggest splicing of religious items anyone has ever seen (seriously, there was a menorah, taped to a tree, with a kinara on the other side).

Before the man could leave again, the Lincoln staff took him inside for some hot chocolate, as his skin was looking rather gray and clammy. Soon after, the man exited the school, having obviously spilled some red gatorade on himself, in a rather cheerful manner. The other teachers had seemingly left the school, so the students decided to hang out in the school, maybe sleep a while, and finally, went home.

The masked man is forever close to our hearts, as he gave us money and time off. We won’t forget him, but we suspect he’ll visit us again.

In other news, yesterday, there were 50 separate kidnappings, in which 60 lincoln students, and 8 lincoln staff were taken. Police cannot confirm any suspect, and suggest you lock your doors.

See the first post: Friday the 13th Found to be Lucky, Lincoln receives 5,000,000,000 dollars