Bilingual Student Newspaper of Abraham Lincoln High School, San Jose California.

Lion Tales

SATIRE: Over 400 Cases of “Senioritis” at Lincoln?

SATIRE: Over 400 Cases of “Senioritis” at Lincoln?

Jordan Summers, reporter

April 1, 2016


Filed under Satire, Showcase

Senioritis What is this mysterious medical disease called senioritis?  Senioritis hits many high school and college seniors in their final semester or even their final year. College apps have been submitted and class schedules leave a lot of free time, seniors become enormously lazy, careless, ...

[Satire] SJUSD to Introduce 50 new Standardized Tests

[Satire] SJUSD to Introduce 50 new Standardized Tests

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

March 17, 2016


Filed under Satire, Uncategorized

The San Jose Unified School District announced today in a public statement that they plan to introduce 50 new standardized tests for all high school grades. "We're looking to improve our students' ability to perform pointless and mundane tasks while arbitrarily making them 'more viable' for college,"...

SATIRE: Unique Valentine’s Gifts

SATIRE: Unique Valentine’s Gifts

Melissa Blasquez, Reporter

February 12, 2016


Filed under Satire

Do you ever want to go out of the box, away from the cookie cutter idea of, “Flowers, chocolates and big teddy bears” for your valentine? Here are some idea’s to help inspire you to stray away and come up with some creative ideas for your loves. Reservations at McDonalds- McDonalds can get pretty busy du...

SATIRE: Students Won’t Leave Campus

SATIRE: Students Won’t Leave Campus

Melissa Blasquez, Reporter

December 18, 2015


Filed under Satire

This winter break, here at Lincoln, teachers and staff encourage students to lay back, relax, and forget about all their responsibilities for the whole break. Of course, many students brush this idea off, almost angry that teachers would tell them to relax. The students are tired of being told to pro...

SATIRE: 5 Steps to Survive Finals Week

SATIRE: 5 Steps to Survive Finals Week

Jordan Summers, Reporter

December 11, 2015


Filed under Satire, Uncategorized

1. Burn all your books To go into your finals with the right mindset you need to clear your head of thoughts and knowledge. By burning your books you are burning the bad luck these books with information they have inside them. Good, empty vibes mean good finals week.   2. Take long naps af...

Students who Attend School on Monday to be Forced to Attend “Holiday School”

Students who Attend School on Monday to be Forced to Attend “Holiday School”

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

September 4, 2015


Filed under Satire

As a rising amount of students who are oblivious to statutory holidays show up to school on off days, especially at Lincoln, our school's faculty have decided to create "Holiday School" as punishment. Holiday School will focus on educating students about the importance of statutory holidays, as well...

5 Rejected Spirit Week Ideas

5 Rejected Spirit Week Ideas

Anthony Lopez and Generic Chair

August 31, 2015


Filed under Satire

In honor of Lincoln's first spirit week of the year, we decided to share some of the less popular spirit day ideas. #1: Dress like your Teacher day. Though recommended by the staff, this spirit week idea was met, for unknown reasons, with considerable student backlash. Due to said backlash, the id...

Trump Announces Presidential Campaign a “Joke”

Trump Announces Presidential Campaign a “Joke”

Anthony Lopez and Generic Chair

August 20, 2015


Filed under Satire

On Monday, August 17th of 2015, Donald Trump, billionaire real estate developer, announced his ongoing presidential campaign a, "joke". "I just wanted to see how far I could get" said Trump, "I mean, what man in his right mind would vote for me?" (Trump was highest in the polls for the Republican...

Why Satire is Important in Today’s Newspaper Culture

Why Satire is Important in Today’s Newspaper Culture

Till Kleinert, Staff Reporter

January 16, 2015


Filed under Satire, Showcase

Recent events have shown the impact satire can have. The French newspaper “Charlie Hebdo” was attacked by Islamic terrorists, because it had published comics about the Prophet Mohammed. These comics showed Mohammed kissing men or in embarrassing positions. They also were critical of the Islamic state...

ASB Election Revotes to Hold Revote for Uncontested Candidates

ASB Election Revotes to Hold Revote for Uncontested Candidates

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

May 16, 2014


Filed under Op/Ed, Satire

In light of the newest developments of the ASB and class council elections, uncontested candidates will also take part in the re-vote. The decision was made based off of popular demand by uncontested candidates that decided they wanted to make sure that not a single vote for them was missed, and that...

Bilingual Student Newspaper of Abraham Lincoln High School, San Jose California.
Satire