SATIRE: Unique Valentine’s Gifts


Basic Gifts Lead to Broken Hearts (Lincoln Lion Tales/Melissa Blasquez)

Do you ever want to go out of the box, away from the cookie cutter idea of, “Flowers, chocolates and big teddy bears” for your valentine? Here are some idea’s to help inspire you to stray away and come up with some creative ideas for your loves.

Reservations at McDonalds– McDonalds can get pretty busy during lunch hours, and everyone hates waiting in line. Why not save time and make your special someone feel even more special by reserving the best seat in the house, and have the best food a low budget could buy, to show them how much they’re worth to you. She/he can order the 20 McNuggets this time, because it’s all about them today.


Casket Shopping– If you’re truly serious about this guy/girl, and you want spend your life together, why not the after life too? What better gift than casket shopping, and reserving plots for you and your beau, so you can spend the rest of eternity together.


Weight Loss Supplements– Maybe your significant other is always talking about how they need to lose weight, or they really let themselves go. Buying them weight loss supplements will show them you listen, and care.


A surprise wedding– Have you only been with your significant other for a few weeks, but you know for a fact that they’re the one? Plan a surprise wedding for them, scheduled on Valentine’s day. Take them to Las Vegas, but have them blindfolded the whole ride/flight there so they have no idea what’s going on. To get their family there without spoiling the surprise, lie to them and tell them all that you’re kidnapping their kid and to meet you in Las Vegas with $10,000 ransom, that way you can pay for their suit/dress and a nice ring.  


Food/Flowers they’re “allergic” to– We all know how freaked out people get when they’re allergic to something. Allergies aren’t as severe as we all think they are, they won’t kill you, it’s mostly fear. So, if your valentine loves snickers bars but is allergic to nuts, buy it anyway. Allergic to daisies? Get them a bouquet of daisies! They just need to face their fears. And they’ll be happy you forced them to suck it up and break out in hives, because you know and they know they love those flowers.


There you have it! Your valentine will surely love their gift this holiday, and they’ll love you more for it. Happy Valentines Day!