On the school’s very own website, the announcement for when exactly the seniors would have their graduation rehearsal was made. The rehearsal itself is to take place from 10:00 – 11:30PM tonight, and the Tailgate party is to continue from then to 1:00PM the next day. This is expected to be one of the longest Tailgate parties our fair school has ever hosted, lasting a full 25 and a half hours.

When asked why this decision was made, Principal Hewitson commented: “We don’t want our seniors’ college life to be their ‘party’ years. So we decided to make them have such a long tailgate party that they’ll be all ‘partied’ out. We’ve decided it works better this way.”

When asked about the subject, one senior said: “That’s insane!” Another questioned: “What’re we gonna do the entire time?” Another still speculated:  “Are you sure it’s not a typo?” And finally, another thought: “We’ll have to make the most of it, we won’t wanna party afterwards.”

There were others who didn’t like this idea. Robert Rosie, the senior custodian, was worried about the damage unruly students might cause to the school. “It would be terrible if students suddenly decided to vandalize the entire campus, and with some of those kids, you never know what’ll happen. We could end up with one of the worst custodial tragedies know to man.” Mr. Rosie declined further comment, but made it clear that anyone who thought they could get away with school vandalism was “a cruisin’ for a bruisin’.”

It just goes to show: Don’t do anything in moderation.