Lion Tales

ASB Election Revotes to Hold Revote for Uncontested Candidates

ASB Election Revotes to Hold Revote for Uncontested Candidates

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

May 16, 2014

In light of the newest developments of the ASB and class council elections, uncontested candidates will also take part in the re-vote. The decision was made based off of popular demand by uncontested candidates that decided they wanted to make sure that not a single vote for them was missed, and that...

CAASPPs to Spawn two new Spinoff Assessments, More Planned for Future

CAASPPs to Spawn two new Spinoff Assessments, More Planned for Future

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

May 8, 2014

(Edit: Fixed a missing section)   The California Assessment of Student Performance and Progress association announced on Tuesday that there were two new planned assessments on the way. The first one, CAASW (California Assessment of Student School Work) is designed to assess the amount as well ...

Why Does Generic Chair Write Satire?

Why Does Generic Chair Write Satire?

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

April 21, 2014

As you may know, my name is Generic Chair. I am the satire editor for this school's newspaper. Did you ever wonder how I became a satire editor? No? Too bad, I'm going to tell you a cliche story outlining the tale. I'd just like to de-throne the notion that I do this thing for the money. Back in my...

U.S. Government to Institute Ban on Selfies

U.S. Government to Institute Ban on Selfies

Eli Schenk, Editor

April 1, 2014

On Tuesday, Speaker of the House John Boehner announced a proposal for a law that will purportedly prohibit the use of the "selfie" within the domestic borders of the United States. The law will extend to both Alaska and Hawaii. However, in the U.S. held territories of Puerto Rico, Guam, the Virgin...

Bad Spelin Grammur at this Schul

Bad Spelin Grammur at this Schul

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

April 1, 2014

This schul is full a bad riters. I tell ya, th first time I layed eys on this schul I thought to myself: Myself, this schul's gonna hav bad grammur. Gosh boy was I rite. This schul has such bad grammur I saw somone spel grammur "grammar" wich we all no is bad. this schul is so bad at grammur and spelin...

Badminton Game Cancelled!

Badminton Game Cancelled!

Presiliano Rene Chacon

April 1, 2014

Lincoln's Badminton match against San Jose High, originally scheduled for April 1st, has been cancelled. The roof on the gym at San Jose High School, the oldest high school in San Jose, has been destroyed because of the 160 mph wind that mother nature created last night during the rainstorm. This wind...

Studies Show You Aren’t Being Antisocial Enough

Studies Show You Aren’t Being Antisocial Enough

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

January 24, 2014

January 9th, 2013 Sources confirmed on Wednesday that children and adolescents "these days" were actually being too social, and should actually be attempting to communicate less in real life. "It's not normal" Principal Hewitson remarked, "We can't be allowing this level of interaction, or we risk produ...

Friday the 13th is Still Lucky

Friday the 13th is Still Lucky

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

December 13, 2013

December 14th, 2013 This Friday the 13th, Lincoln was, yet again visited by the mysterious man in a Hockey mask, this time wearing a Holiday hat in celebratory spirit. Lincoln now has recieved a large bag of $10,000 bills, which will be counted on Saturday, in addition to one of the biggest splicing...

Friday the 13th Found to be Lucky, Lincoln Receives 5,000,000,000 Dollars

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

September 13, 2013

It came as a surprise on Friday the 13th, when an anonymous donor gave Lincoln High school 5 billion dollars. The donor himself wanted to remain unknown, and thus, was wearing a Hockey mask. The man himself had seemingly fallen down, and was covered in blood from his grazed knee. He would not allow...

School Found to be too Clean, Students Asked to Start Littering

School Found to be too Clean, Students Asked to Start Littering

Generic Chair, Board of Chairs

September 6, 2013

It came as a shock when the EPA released a press conference on Tuesday, stating that Lincoln High School had become too clean and would be required to start littering starting on April 1st, 2014. The EPA provided no other reason other than: "We don't want to be out of a job, and a this rate, other...

Bilingual Student Newspaper of Abraham Lincoln High School, San Jose California.
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